What do I hold on to, in
This world ever so in flux, in
These souls around me all so in
Apathy and denial,
But there is something still,
Something I still cling on to in this life,
For what else
Could’ve held me back from
Art: Escape Into Life, Takahiro Kimura
I am a person divided by his thoughts; conflicted by his desires, his material reality. As I approach the final year of my Law school, I quite faintly realise what sort of a journey I have traversed. What all I have done and have become of me in the course of the past three and a half years. Nothing of these years reveals anything clearly about any of the questions that wander around my conscience every day, crying for answers. I just have a vague and general perception of my life so far and I don’t know how I comprehend this understanding.
At one moment I see myself sitting on the cusp of a life-changing activity. I see every day, every hour, as a test of passion that demands action. And, then there are moments where I feel like an abandoned boat in the middle of the sea; aware of its reality but devoid of any possibility. I take solace in resignation even while constantly reminding myself of what I should be doing. I do let motivation get me but also push my energies and effort in pursuing things that might not directly assist me on the path I intend to walk on. I might call it a distraction or be diversifying my learning, but sometimes it feels like denial. It feels like running away from what you perceive yourself and your conditions to be.
I don’t know what I see of myself right now and why my friends instil hope in me. The depth of the faith that my family have in me either forces me to create a delusional perception about myself or a sense of betrayal towards them. I’m unable to trace that one ray of light that can show me the way out of this tunnel; an echo that tells me that I’m not caving further. I’m in want of something that assures me of myself and if not full then some of my capabilities. I don’t know what tomorrow looks like, but it is definitely casting a shadow on my today. I hope to see you tomorrow, but I don’t know how.
Winged and souled,
They scale the stretches of this big
Blue sky, Oh,
So little, so insignificant, barely
Seen, but there
Carrying lives within as they fly, as
They twirl, dive and then
As it stays, still, the
Big blue sky,
What would these winged fliers think of themselves,
Of who they are, how they are seen, of
What they mean, to
But there they are
Beings seen, being felt
And oh so what this sight is, but
A living commentary on life itself.